Election 2016: a fitness review

abbott budgieIf you are like any sensible Australian, including as it turns out The Australian, you are making your decision about this election on the basis of the fitness of the leader of the relevant party for office. And by fitness, I mean FITNESS. This handy guide will enable you to choose which fitness plan is for you. (PS: It’s worth clicking through to the Oz’s article because it took not one, not two but three journos to write this piece about Bill Shorten jogging. After reading it, you will be baffled as to why print media is doomed. I like how the comments extol Tony Abbott because the readers of the Australian are still grieving. It’s a staged process.)

Choose your political fitness plan!

Shorten

150km

Per Month
  • fruit & museli or eggs
  • Beer ok 
  • Dinner: meat & veg
  • Negative gearing
  • Tax breaks for companies
Sign Up Today!

Turnbull

10,000

selfies per month
  • omelette, yoghurt, ­espresso
  • alcohol ok
  • protein based dinner
  • Chinese medicine
  • penalty rates, loyalty
Sign Up Today!

Abbott

700km

per hour
  • eggs, strong feelings
  • Bitter tears ok
  • Evening onions and regret
  • Triathlons, fire fighting
  • marriage equality
Sign Up Today!

Turnbull bathers

If you can’t be bothered reading the comments on the Australian article, my favourites are:

“Since Malcolm took over the LNP, I knew this election would be a contest of the biggest losers. I was not expecting this literal confirmation.”

“The prospect of Malcolm fiddling with our super while he lives to 130 is depressing.”

“Tony was ironman level fit with abs of steel who could cycle, swim, and run. Bill doing a couple of laps around the block in the morning is quite pathetic in comparison.”

 

ressigma15631com6069Election 2016: a fitness review
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